Miles shares his experience of EMDR at Family Futures
“Going from painful thoughts and emotions on a certain issue, to a process where these became less charged and actually inspiring was quite an experience.”
I am a transracial adult adoptee who grew up in a loving, white middle class family in North London. My early years were generally pretty normal, but as I entered my teens and adult life I began to realise that life’s ups and downs seemed to be getting steadily harder. In hindsight, issues with identity, self-value, a sense of belonging, rejection, trust and acceptance were all bubbling away.
Coming out of what adoptees call the FOG (Fear, Obligation, Guilt) a few years ago was a painful few months, but things happen for a reason as they say.
Post-FOG I cast out a net, reading books on adoption, listening to podcasts and was fortunate to find local adoptee support groups (including one just for transracial adoptees), PAC UK’s support service, and a good therapist. Amazingly helpful as these all were, I found myself thinking about a line from a Woody Allen film after one therapy session, where he jokes ‘my therapist says in 20 years I should be cured’.
So I started to investigate other therapy avenues to complement the learning and connections I had made at the adoption support groups. That was when I heard about EMDR and timelines more like 8-12 weeks to address the PTSD us adoptees endure relating to the trauma of leaving our birth parents and being put in a new family.
I looked for recommendations and was keen to find a practitioner who was experienced, understood adoption, had a good vibe, and was in a nurturing environment. Adrian, having worked for PAC UK, being an adoptive father, and with a warm practical style, ticked all the boxes. It was especially helpful to have an initial chat on the phone with Adrian and to have a flexible approach on the number of sessions.
The positive and friendly vibe at the Family Futures office could not have been better. I sat doing my sessions with Adrian where families go to talk, heal and feel whole again; soft toys, lego and art materials were stacked up ready to be utilised in different rooms. Not that I was here to use any of these, I just liked doing my sessions surrounded in a place that felt special and nurturing.
In my case, I found the work I’d done with my therapist (which was at times painful) laid the ground work for the EMDR. I had in essence already explored what my issues were in therapy, these were translated into the EMDR ‘channels’ I explored with Adrian over 12 sessions using buzzers with my eyes closed.
Going from painful thoughts and emotions on a certain issue, to a process where these became less charged and actually inspiring was quite an experience. At the end of my EMDR journey I had done five channels / issues and felt strong and resilient. I would not hesitate to recommend Adrian and the Family Futures team to adoptees who want to move forward and find a more positive relationship with themselves.
